One of the biggest things I struggle with at the moment is not having a family, Dylan and I will have been married 4 years this November (oh my goodness!) and one of the questions I get asked the most by friends and family is when will we be starting a family.
Before we started on this journey of trying to start a family I never really realised what a painful sentence “When are you going to have a baby?” could actually be.
It is a natural procession, most couples fall in love ⇒ move in together ⇒ get married ⇒ start a family.
But when that natural procession is halted or isn’t what you want, how do you get across to people closest to you that something they are so excited for isn’t going to happen when they expect it or even not at all.
We started seeing a woman that specializes in renal patients looking to start having families over a year ago now, one of the biggest hurdles has been just waiting for the doctors to order the genetic testing.
My kidney disease is genetic so we need to test Dylan to ensure that firstly he doesn’t have the recessive disease that I have which is highly unlikely and secondly that he doesn’t have any other chromosome abnormalities that when met with my chromosome deletion could also cause kidney disease.
If the genetic testing comes back positive then we will have to look at IVF and embryo selection but I like to remain positive and hope that Dylan is completely normal and this in a non issue.
We finally had our appointment with the geneticist yesterday and he discussed everything I am already fully aware of but then dropped them bombshell that the test takes a minimum of 3 months.
I am just incredibly upset, I don’t understand why this test could not have been ordered earlier. I was under the impression that this test would take a month or so and then once we received the all clear we could officially start trying for a family.
It is unbelievably gut wrenching when family and friends ask you “When are you going to have a baby?” and the only answer you have is hopefully we can start trying in a few months but I am not sure.
I am lucky because it is only 3 months and then hopefully we can start trying but it often makes me wonder just how painful and horrific it would be if we had infertility issues and good meaning friends and family continued to question us.
I am also curious at how it might feel to be constantly bombarded with that question when you do not wish to start to have children.
I feel that there is still so much pressure put on newly weds to start families that it almost takes away some of the magic of the whole thing. I have begun speaking to my family about how upsetting asking about starting a family can be and will never raise the topic with anyone I know as I don’t want people to dread answering.
I know its silly but I have a few pairs of new baby socks, shoes and onsies sitting at home in the spare room to remind me that it will happen one day but it is a difficult wait, I just hope that one day soon I will be asked “When are you going to have a baby?” and be able to give a official date.